February 10, 2008. I got my nose pierced this time last year. Hmm. I was a completely different person this time last year.

In love.

Deluded.

I go to college soon.

I move out soon.

I'll get a job soon.

Soon soon soon soonsoonsoonsoon.

Soon is such a scapegoat.

That guy and I broke up.

I've been dating a lot of different people.

Old flames have come back into my life.

But I don't want them.

I want new and exciting.

I want somebody to change my life.

I haven't updated in here in a long time.

I did decide to date somebody. We've been together for six months. He's a great guy. It's going to last for a long time. He makes me happy.

My birthday came and passed.

I got my nose pierced a few months ago.

Let's see...junior year is almost over.

AP tests are coming up. I'm doing really well in school.

I went to Hawaii last month.

It was a lot of fun.

I got some pretty neat things there.

Six months at my job.

I'm looking for a new one.

Thinking about working at Starbucks.

They're always hiring.

Miss jen a lot.

She's in Washington.

We don't talk much, but she's still my best friend.

I think that's about it.

Later. 

Nobody does it better.

Though sometimes I wish someone would.

Nobody does it quite the way you do...

How'd you get to be so good?

The way that you hold me, whenever you hold me.

There's some kind of magic inside you.

I'm a big Carly Simon fan. In case you couldn't tell.

Yeah...she's a good one. For sure.

So I tried out for Chamber Choir.

And I made it.

And I'm excited.

I can't run for office now at all...but that's alright.

I'd rather do this quite honestly.

So I'm happy that I made it.

Because the people in there are really good.

And I was nervous, because I figured they were probably better than me.

But apparently not.

She was probably looking for a certain assortment of voices.

And since I have the lightest voice in the class.

Bam.

Why is it so hard to believe that I really don't want to date in high school at all? People think it's stupid...I think it's wise.

I don't know your face no more...or feel the touch, that I adore.

We might as well be strangers.

We are strangers.

If I saw you on the street...we wouldn't wave, we wouldn't nod, we wouldn't smile. We wouldn't look each other in the eyes. We wouldn't share that sweet gaze that comes from knowing somebody intimately...there would be nothing. Nothing but walking. Up, down, left, right...away. Walking away from me like always.

We might as well be strangers.

For all I know of you now...

You could be successful, you could be handsome, or smart, or rich. You could be depressed, or failing, or stressed. You could have a job, and a wonderful girl to go home too...I wonder if your mom still worries about you. And I wonder how you and your dad are getting along these days...somedays I don't think of you...not until the very end of the day when I'm going to sleep, and you're still the last thing I think about. Still. It will end.

I don't make the same mistake twice.

I loved you...I did. My first love. I'll never let somebody in so far again. Positives and negatives. Analytical processing...but it's not worth it.

I love you...I do.

You were weak. And you couldn't see it...you couldn't handle it. I know...I know that. I forgive you. I'm afraid of myself sometimes...the things I would have done for you. Anything...I swear by that. I was naive.

You taught me not to trust easily. Not to be so naive...to think that my love was enough to hold anybody. It was foolish of me...it really was. It's so clear now...it's a wonder that I was ever confused about it before...that I never knew. I wish somebody would have told me...let me know how horrible it felt to lose somebody that you let yourself get attached too...even when I knew that you didn't care as much about me as I cared about you...I persisted.

You told me you loved me.

I believe it. Naturally...I thought that was how it worked.

I was wrong?

...oh.

Well I guess I won't make that mistake again.